Why Do Women Stay in Unhealthy Relationships? Unlearning What We’ve Been Taught and Choosing SELF
Your heart is heavy, and you can’t shake the feeling that you’re not enough. You think about the relationship you're in—the one that’s been draining you for months, maybe even years. You’ve tried to speak up, tried to make it work, but somehow, it always feels like you're the one doing all the giving, all the compromising, and all the understanding.
You wonder if you’ll ever find a love that fills you up instead of leaving you exhausted. You question why you stay, even though deep down, you know this isn’t the relationship you deserve. Maybe you’ve been taught to “stick it out,” to “keep pushing,” or even to “just be strong.” Maybe, like so many women, you were raised to believe that love means sacrifice—putting yourself last for the sake of someone else’s happiness.
But what if you were never supposed to settle for less? What if you are the key to unlocking a love that truly uplifts and empowers you? What if it’s time to break free from the cycle of unhealthy relationships and choose SELF?
This isn't just about leaving a relationship. It's about unlearning what you were taught about love, about your worth, and about what you deserve. It’s about reclaiming your peace, your confidence, and your power to choose a healthier, more fulfilling relationship—with yourself first. Because when you choose yourself, everything else will start to fall into place.
1. How We Learn to Normalize Unhealthy Relationships
From a young age, many of us are taught what love “should” look like based on the relationships we witness—whether it’s our parents, family members, or the media we consume. We grow up thinking that love means compromising your happiness, that it’s okay to tolerate bad behavior because “that’s just how relationships are.” Maybe we saw parents argue all the time and never really saw resolution, or we were taught that love meant sacrificing your needs and putting everyone else first.
In The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz talks about how we form “agreements” based on the beliefs we inherit from our families, culture, and society. These agreements shape the way we see ourselves and others in relationships. And all too often, we don’t realize that the agreements we’ve made are unhealthy ones—agreements that tell us it’s okay to be in relationships that drain us, that push us to the limit, and that cause us to lose ourselves in the process.
Examples of these agreements:
“Love is supposed to be hard and require sacrifice.”
“If they really love you, they’ll change.”
“If you speak up about your needs, you’re being selfish.”
These are the beliefs that lead us to settle for less than we deserve. We normalize unhealthy dynamics because, in some way, they feel familiar. And because of that familiarity, we feel like we’re stuck in the cycle, unable to break free.
2. The Influence of Our Early Experiences
Our experiences growing up influence how we view ourselves and the relationships we form as adults. If you grew up in a household where emotional manipulation, toxic patterns, or unhealthy communication was the norm, you may not even recognize when you're in a relationship that isn’t serving you. These behaviors—whether it’s emotional neglect, anger, jealousy, or control—become normalized in our minds.
But here’s the thing: just because these behaviors were normalized doesn't mean they are acceptable. Just because you witnessed unhealthy dynamics doesn’t mean you have to live through them. Yet, we stay because we think that this is what love is supposed to look like. We repeat these patterns until we realize we’re exhausted, depleted, and questioning our worth.
Choosing to break this cycle means recognizing that what you were taught as “normal” isn’t healthy, and you don’t have to accept it. It’s about reclaiming your right to a healthy, loving relationship with yourself first, so you can show up as your best self for others.
3. The Fear of Abandonment and the Need for Validation
For many women, staying in unhealthy relationships comes from the fear of being alone. If we didn’t receive love and validation in healthy ways growing up, we may find ourselves attaching to relationships that offer false promises of affection. We want someone to tell us we’re enough, to show us we matter, and to prove our worth.
But here’s the painful truth: when we attach to unhealthy relationships out of fear of abandonment, we’re sacrificing our self-worth and well-being in exchange for validation. And that validation never truly fills us up. We’re left feeling more empty and questioning our value, all while trying to get that external validation from someone who doesn’t treat us the way we deserve.
This is where choosing SELF becomes critical. When you validate yourself—when you learn to give yourself the love and care you seek from others—you stop depending on someone else’s approval to feel whole. You start to build your self-worth from within, and that’s when true change happens.
4. It’s Time to Unlearn These Patterns and Choose SELF
The key to breaking the cycle of unhealthy relationships is unlearning what you’ve been taught about love and relationships. It’s about recognizing that you deserve more than what you’ve been accepting. And most importantly, it’s about choosing yourself first.
Choosing SELF means setting boundaries, saying no when something doesn’t feel right, and making your needs a priority. It means recognizing your worth and no longer tolerating behavior that doesn’t respect you. When you choose yourself, you stop seeking validation outside of yourself and start building a relationship with the woman who matters most—you.
It’s time to ask yourself: What do I truly deserve?
You deserve love that is reciprocal, nurturing, and built on mutual respect. You deserve a relationship that uplifts you, challenges you in healthy ways, and helps you grow. But before you can attract this kind of love, you need to start by giving that love to yourself.
5. How Simply Lovable® Can Help You Choose SELF
If you're ready to break free from unhealthy relationship patterns, it starts with reconnecting with your true self. Simply Lovable® is here to guide you through that journey. The Simply Lovable® Card Deck and Simply Lovable® Bundle were designed to help you understand your worth, challenge limiting beliefs, and build confidence in your choices.
With the Simply Lovable® Card Deck ($52.77), you’ll have daily prompts that help you reflect on your relationships and recognize patterns that no longer serve you. The cards will guide you toward healing and self-discovery, one reflection at a time.
The Simply Lovable® Bundle ($125.77), which includes the Card Deck, Companion Workbook, and Notebook Collection, gives you a deeper space to journal, reflect, and track your growth. The collection offers the tools you need to build confidence, set boundaries, and step into the woman you’re meant to be.
It’s time to stop tolerating unhealthy relationships and start choosing yourself. The first step toward change begins with you. Choose to love yourself, set boundaries, and walk away from what doesn’t serve you. It’s time to create the space for the love you truly deserve.
You are worthy of peace. You are worthy of respect. You are worthy of love.
Let Simply Lovable® be your guide as you reclaim your worth, your confidence, and your SELF. It’s time to choose YOU.
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